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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27415960">to cherish a moment</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/NinaBot/pseuds/NinaBot'>NinaBot</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Hades (Video Game 2018)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Banter, Friends to Lovers, Love Confessions, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Mutual Pining, Pre-Relationship, Thanatos is there for him, Zagreus is tired, fellas is it gay to pledge your undying loyalty to your best bro?, i'm back at it again with the canon dialogue reworks, no betas we die like rebellious chthonic himbos, sort of???</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 23:01:11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,886</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27415960</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/NinaBot/pseuds/NinaBot</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>"Than, I... I know you're busy and you probably have to go soon, and I know that things aren't alright. Between us, that is. I know I messed up, and I'm sorry I did but... Would you stay for a moment? Just for a bit?"</p>
<p>The gifts, the easy banter and familiar competition when they met, these short conversations in the hall, none of them could fix any of what happened nor what was bound to happen. Thanatos had every right to turn his back on Zagreus after what he did yet he never could, not even when he was not asked to help. And now that he <em>was</em> asked?<br/>---</p>
<p>Nothing can ever stay the same, simple and uncomplicated, and Thanatos and Zagreus are both learning how to navigate the changes around - and between - them.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Thanatos/Zagreus (Hades Video Game)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>226</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>to cherish a moment</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Listen, I just wanted to write some soft comfort after having a really bad string of runs, and then when I went back to the game Thanatos showed up and I got the final Ambrosia dialogue and well, we all know I just had to write some hesitant confessions and two lads being physically affectionate, but like, totally platonically haha.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>All was as expected in the House of Hades, meaning nothing was as it should be. The Halls were neat and clean to immaculate perfection, and yet the custodian was somehow behind her schedule and haggard with work; the shades kept pouring in for audience and judgment, which took far longer than it should because of the lingering line and the daunting bureaucracy; and the rebellious Prince who shirked responsibility all his life, had taken upon himself the responsibility to mend his broken family, by any means necessary. Nothing was quite as it should be, save one thing.</p>
<p></p><div>
  <p>Death Incarnate stood by the balcony overlooking the darkened marshes of Tartarus, half hidden by the drawn curtains and hanging tapestries. Golden eyes stared at the currents of the blood-colored Styx, watching as shades stirred just under the surface like tendon and muscle move beneath skin. The gurgle of the river is the murmur of a death rattle, a last breath that never ceases. If there was ever one sure, unchangeable thing in the Underworld, it was the Styx.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>It was more than a mere river and it had a will of its own, as did all other things in the Underworld. Nothing was ever "just" anything, a weapon was never just a weapon, a room was never just a room, and a river was never just a river. Thanatos had meant it when he berated Zagreus for not seeing the river that ran just in front of his nose, rather offended by the prince's dismissive attitude towards it. Then again Zagreus had his own relationship to those waters. Death Incarnate had his own thoughts on that connection, as he knew Mother Nyx and Lord Hades and even the shade Achilles had, but it was difficult to have answers for sure as Zagreus was unique in his own way. After all, no god was ever "just" a god.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Still, Thanatos did not miss how the river's energy shifted to welcome back the Prince of the Underworld to the House. Every time he was claimed by some gruesome death in his quest for the surface, the Styx brought him back cradled in its currents, and every time Thanatos could feel when that happened just as he knew when his own responsibilities called and he was summoned to bring back another mortal to the Underworld. Just as he could feel when Zagreus was wounded and coming closer to death by the minute.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Every time, he could hear as the prince would greet Hypnos then go by his rounds around the House, checking up on everyone and what had transpired while he was out, often trading barbs with his father while greeting Cerberus with the customary pets. Thanatos was patient, as he knew Zagreus would find his way to his little corner in the West Hall as usual, probably with another lavish gift he had no idea what to do with or how to respond to. It was easy to track Zagreus' movements as his footsteps were anything but silent, even beyond the hiss of those burning feet upon the tiled floor. Most of the inhabitants of the House floated their way around or had immaterial feet which made no sound, thus the ease of tracking the prince. And yet... Thanatos couldn't hear those steps at all.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>He frowned at the Styx as if it was the river's fault for the prince's delay, but then he heard those telltale steps, dragging and barely audible. Swallowing his worries he turned to see what was the matter, and whatever he had expected it wasn't this. Zagreus looked <em>terrible</em>. The burning laurels on his head barely sparked, the vibrant light on his mismatched eyes dulled by turbulent thoughts, and he walked as if he could still feel the wounds that sent him into the Styx's waters. And those noisy burning feet were barely alight, more red than molten yellow, and his heels were dark as charcoal, like Thanatos had never seen them before.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Hi, Than." Zagreus greeted with a smile that was too wide and forced for the state he was in, and Thanatos frowned at the sight of it.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Zagreus. What happened?" He greeted back, his clipped tone drier than usual with concern, but Zagreus must have heard it some other way given how he flinched at his question, rubbing his neck with a tired hand and sighing.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"What <em>didn't</em> happen, more like." The prince sighed, a twinge of dismay in his voice that didn't sit well with the taller god. "I just... had a bad string of luck lately."</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Bad luck, or did you forget to watch your back again in your rush to get to the surface?" Thanatos asked, sounding more accusing than he meant to but Zagreus just huffed a chuckle at it.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Probably both." He says, and his mismatched eyes grow distant, his smile losing some of its warmth and looking more and more defeated by the minute. "I was doing so well before but now, I can barely make it to Meg and her sisters. I have no idea why."</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Ah, so that's what happened. Thanatos holds back a sigh and turns fully towards his... friend? What even are they anymore? He's not yet fully forgiven Zagreus for leaving without a word, but the anger from before dimmed into concern and grief that his... that Zagreus was still going to leave. Every attempt he got closer to his goal and closer to abandoning everything he had for the vague hope of something - <em>someone</em> - else that might not even be there. Could they even stay friends if he was still going to leave them all behind?</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Blood and darkness, this was a mess. He thought he was coming back home to some peace at last after the mayhem that was his last assignment, but instead, he finds everything had changed while he was away. Well, maybe not everything but there were so many changes now, not just between them both but with everyone in this House, all because of Zagreus' decision. Thanatos still didn't know what to think about any of this. Still, he could see how downcast and tired Zagreus looked, and all of this could be so complicated but was it ever between them? They were so different, almost polar opposites on most aspects since the start, and yet they always got along as easy as breathing. Did that also have to change?</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Have you thought about taking a break and resting? You look like death warmed over, if you pardon the expression." He asked in a careful tone, trying not to keep his thoughts from leaking into his words.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Zagreus' face twisted oddly for a moment, and when an unattractive snort escaped him, Thanatos realized he was trying to keep himself from laughing.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"What?" Thanatos deadpans, which only made Zagreus laugh even harder.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Ahaha, I'll, heh, I'll forgive you just for that mental image." Zagreus managed to say between his chuckles.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Mental image?" He asked, confused by the comment and the outburst, but Zagreus looked away, embarrassed.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"It's... it's stupid, forget about it." He replied, and now Thanatos was curious.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Afraid I won't, until you speak your mind."</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Oh I just... Imagined you wearing a fur coat by the fireplace." He admits while still laughing tiredly over it, and Thanatos just stared at Zagreus for a long moment before sighing.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"You're right, it <em>is</em> stupid."</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"I said it was!"</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"And you must clearly not be in your right mind if that's the sort of thing you're thinking about." He observed, which killed the laughter in Zagreus' voice.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Than, you know I'm not very good at the whole relaxing and sleeping thing. I'll just fuss around in bed for a couple of words before getting up again." The prince complained with the weariness of someone who's had to explain that too many times.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Is that any worse than going back out there and getting killed by some wretched bother two chambers in?" Thanatos asks and the other god wrung his hands while the question lingered in the air for a moment.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"...Maybe?"</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"<em>Zagreus</em>." Thanatos sighed, just barely keeping himself from rolling his eyes.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"I can't rest Than, I just can't! I'm too restless to sleep and I'm too tired to try again and... I just..." What began as a frustrated outburst faded into a world-weary sigh and Zagreus rubbed his face dejectedly. "I just need a moment..."</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Thanatos didn't know how to respond to that. There was something there between them that he didn't know how to break through or get past, it was complicated but it shouldn't be, not for them. Yet it was. All he could do was look at Zagreus, tired and worn, and feel his heart break to see him this way. He should feel some sort of vindication, that all this folly was catching up to him and he was finally facing the consequences of his choices, but all he felt was sadness.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Than, I... I know you're busy and you probably have to go soon, and I know that things aren't alright. Between us, that is. I know I messed up, and I'm sorry I did but... Would you stay for a moment? Just for a bit?" Zagreus asks, tired eyes down at his still wringing hands and looking just so <em>small</em>. Thanatos often forgot that he was actually the taller of the two, even with both his feet on the ground, because he never felt like it. Not with the way Zagreus seemed to brim over with vibrant energy and fill up the room with his presence in a reassuring, caring way, the same way a candle cast a halo of light into the darkness. But now, the prince looked barely there at all, just a threadbare hope and a failing flame.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>The gifts, the easy banter and familiar competition when they met, these short conversations in the hall, none of them could fix any of what happened nor what was bound to happen. Thanatos had every right to turn his back on Zagreus after what he did yet he never could, not even when he was not asked to help. And now that he <em>was</em> asked?</p>
</div><div>
  <p>A cold ashen hand gently rested over those warm, restless fingers, slowly unwinding them so he could hold one calloused hand in his own. This was so familiar, nostalgic even, and when mismatched eyes gazed up at him, Thanatos sighed in surrender. "For a moment, then."</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Zagreus' eyes lit up with some of the brightness he was used to seeing in them, and he smiled in relief before ducking his head and resting his forehead on Thanatos' shoulder. "Just a moment, yeah." His voice was muffled against the dark fabric of Thanatos' chiton, and the prince wasn't shy to rest some of his weight on him. Not that Thanatos minded, bracing himself so Zagreus could lean on him. Oh, this was so easy that it ached, a sharp jab between his ribs where his silent heart was. And that was the problem, wasn't it? How easy and complicated this was all at once. They used to reach out to each other when they were children without a second thought, striding down the halls in joined hands and hugging each other without a care. But then his growing duties on the surface and Zagreus' conflict with his father drew them further and further apart until a breaking point. Until... well, until now.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>He's not sure how long they both stood there, but eventually, Zagreus' weight grew heavier and his body relaxed against Thanatos' shoulder, and the psychopomp cleared his throat.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Zag, don't fall asleep on me." He chided, and received only a tired hum. "I'm serious, I'm not a pillow."</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"I'm not asleep. I'm just... comfortable." Zagreus said, his free hand coming to rest on Thanatos' arm as if he wanted to get closer but just barely keeping himself from hugging the older god. Which, he shouldn't have to. He shouldn't have to hold back. They used to hug and hold each other all the time before, Zagreus should know that he would be welcomed,  but now it wasn't as easy as it used to be - should be -, and Thanatos ached even as he held Zagreus' elbow in reply to the gesture.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"You have a very odd sense of what 'comfortable' is." Thanatos says with some amusement in his slow drawl.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Is it, though?"</p>
</div><div>
  <p>The barely-there reply was almost lost to his ears, but he was just as perceptive as Zagreus was. How does he respond to that? What was he supposed to even think? The silence stretched with an expectant weight that leaves Thanatos restless, and they can't stay here forever. Something had to give and he knew ever-obstinate Zagreus won't be the one to do it.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Zagreus?" His voice is hushed, and he hesitated before tilting his head to rest his cheek to Zagreus' head. He shouldn't have to hesitate.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"I told you, not sleeping." The prince complained and Thanatos huffed.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"It's not that. I want to... ask you something."</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Mm, alright. Ask away, mate."</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Thanatos swallowed, trying to pick the right words for this. Not the easiest thing to do as he wasn't very good at this, talking about his feelings. He can't remember the last time he's ever felt like this. Not that he never felt emotions at all, far from it. He adored his mother, he respected Lord Hades, he appreciated Megaera, loved his brothers even when Hypnos drove him up the walls from frustration. But Zagreus... He had always been special, hadn't he? Different, yet so easy to be around, to talk and spend time together. It was always so easy, but now it wasn't anymore. There was something new there, between them, that had slowly started to take the place of the anger and the hurt from recently, and the easy, untroubled camaraderie from their youth. All these gifts, the mutual defiance of their liege, these short conversations that only the waters of the Styx could hear...</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"What am I to you, as of late? Because sometimes with you, I..." Thanatos winces just thinking about how he feels, so sharp and powerful it feels like a burning dagger lodged in his ribs, but he can't find a name for it. "It feels like, well, I might be getting the wrong impression here, but why bother going through all this trouble? The gifts, I mean. You're leaving and I'm staying, there's nothing I can say or do to make you stay, and at this point I'm not going to try anymore. And I already said I'll keep helping you when I can regardless, even if you don't need my help. I don't understand why you're bothering with any of this."</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Zagreus tensed a bit against him, and he wondered if he's said the wrong thing again. Well, not wrong but not what he intended to say. But the prince sighed, his breath warm against his collarbone, and adjusted himself even closer to Thanatos.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"I'm... not sure."</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"That's not a reassuring answer, Zagreus." Thanatos said with a weary sigh. Why is this so hard?</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"I don't know what you want from me here, Than. I just... I think I already messed up when I left without saying anything to you. It felt wrong to not say anything again. To do something, you know? I don't know how many times I have to try to escape, but any one of these times might be the one I finally make it out."</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"But why now?" Thanatos' voice was barely a whisper. They've known each other for countless years, so why now of all times? They've had eons, and it's now that they are going to be apart from each other that this change comes?</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"I really don't know." Zagreus replied, sounding as lost as Death Himself. "I don't know why or how but, when you found me back in Elysium, I think that's when I realized. Or, I started to, you know?"</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Thanatos closed his eyes. Oh, his three sisters are as cruel as the mortals claim they are...</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"I... I think I do, yes." He answered, the memory of that meeting still fresh, and how he felt. Like magma in his veins instead of ichor. "When I heard you took off, the anger that I felt, it was…" <em>blinding, stomach-turning, incandescent, so full of hurt and sorrow,</em> "it wasn’t something I expected."</p>
</div><div>
  <p>The admission hung over them like miasma, complicated and uncomfortable, and it muted them of any more words to be said. There is a tingling in Thanatos' skin, the drive to simply pop himself away from this uneasy conversation almost a reflex to him, but the warm weight of Zagreus leaning against him still roots him in place. Those hands are more binding than any godly shackles ever crafted could be, despite the ease with which he could break away from their grasp. All he needed was to step away and Zagreus would give him his space, as he always had. Besides, it wouldn't be the first time Thanatos disappeared on the prince without any warning. And yet he can't, or rather won't. Not when Zagreus still needs him.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"I... I care about you, Than. I<em> like</em> you. A lot." Zagreus said, and the words echoed deep in Thanatos' chest. "I enjoy meeting you out there. It's exciting, our little spars, and then when I fall I might get to see you here at home."</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Well, here I am." Thanatos said, lost on how to react to any of that. It wasn't an answer to what he asked, and yet it made him yearn for a time when such words wouldn't have shaken him as they did just then. His silent heart stirred inside his chest with something almost like joy but not quite.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Yeah." Zagreus muttered, his words almost lost to a breathless laugh. "Here you are."</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Gods, this was too much. Thanatos felt torn between easing off from this not-quite-embrace and going back to his work, where things still made some sense, and reaching for Zagreus and some blasted answers. Which wasn't too fair of him, was it? Not when he didn't have any answers either. How could he demand such things from his... his friend when he was as lost as he was?</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Ugh, his "friend". Was that really all they were? By now, Thanatos wasn't so certain. He might not have that much personal experience with such feelings, but certainly friends didn't feel about each other like he sometimes felt about Zagreus, or how Zagreus must feel about him. The prince could have gone to anyone else for comfort. Nyx, for instance, or Cerberus, or even Achilles. The shade did plenty of comforting and reassuring the young prince in the past when Thanatos became increasingly more busy with his work and before his relationship with Megaera could even begin. But instead, he staggered over to Death's arms, exhausted and unsure.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Thanatos remembered the brief glimpse he got of Zagreus' face just before he teleported, in that meeting where Hades confronted him about helping the Prince. It's not everyday your "friend" offers himself for the worst possible punishment known to the Underworld and still vows to remain loyal to you even then. He had looked so shocked and touched by what he saw and still, he hesitated now. Gods, what did Thanatos have to do to get through to Zagreus that he's not turning his back on him?</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Why couldn't things be simple again?</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Zagreus."</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Yes, Than?" Came the mellow reply, and Thanatos almost changed his mind. Almost.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"I must go."</p>
</div><div>
  <p>He expected more of a fight, maybe even a pout and some humorous remark, but no such thing came. Zagreus simply straightened himself and stepped away, and already Thanatos missed the warmth of him. His hand dropped from his arm so the younger god could rub his tired eyes, but their fingers remained laced together for a bit longer.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Ugh, maybe... Maybe I should sleep, after all." Zagreus conceded with a sluggish voice.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"You think?" Thanatos said in a deadpan, and the chuckle he received almost felt like coming back to more familiar ground.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Yes yes, you were right all along, congratulations, mate." His smile was tired and faint, but when their eyes met there was a fondness between there that felt more earnest than it had been in eons. Not simpler but, less complicated. "Let's see if I can make it to my chambers. Might as well just sleep with Cerberus on his blanket."</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Won't that be a sight." He said, like he had not seen that exact sight countless times before. "Off you go, Zagreus. Rest."</p>
</div><div>
  <p>But Zagreus didn't move. Instead, his eyes dropped to their joined hands, and how neither of them made a move to let go. A tired yet genuine smile played on his lips even as he sighed.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"You wouldn't mind terribly if I had a nap on your recliner, would you? It's way closer than my bed." The prince asked. Again with the questions when the answer should be obvious.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Don't be foolish, Zag, of course you can. You bought it, you might as well put it to use yourself."</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Yeah, but I bought it for you. It's more yours than mine." He rebuked, and Thanatos huffed.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Debatable. But if you're looking for permission, I just granted it to you. Now <em>rest</em>." Thanatos insisted and tugged Zagreus towards the recliner.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Alright, alright." Zagreus muttered, but his warm fingers gave Thanatos' one last squeeze before letting go. No sooner than their last point of contact was gone, Thanatos took his leave with a pop and a burst of darkness.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>For a long time, Death Incarnate would feel the ghost of the warm fingers in his, and if he focused just enough he'd almost feel the soft pulse of a heartbeat against his thumb. It was a while before he managed to return, and yet still that feeling lingered on his skin. Once he returned, he took a moment to gaze down the towering Halls. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>All in the House of Hades was as expected, meaning nothing was as it should be. There were new draperies, of bone and gray, and new decorative tiles on the floors, and by the recliner and carpet by his corner of the West Hall now sat a table and chairs to match. Upon it, a bowl of pomegranates and a vase of poppies in full bloom. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>At the edge of his mind, the distant call of a vibrant, saguine soul carving its way out of the Underworld. A soul he knew all too well. Thanatos sighed; he still had no answers, and he still longed for something simpler and familiar. But he knew there was no returning to how things were because deep down they weren't good. Whatever shall be, will be, for good or for worse. All he knew was that he had made his choice in all this, and whatever happens now, he will never regret standing by Zagreus as he always had. And whatever answers they find next... </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Golden eyes catch the gentle flow of the blood-red Styx, and he almost smiled in thought. Friends didn't have to be "just" friends.</p>
</div>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>thanks for reading! &lt;3</p></blockquote></div></div>
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